What Hurts the Most
by BabyJane14
Summary: Some accidents aren't accidents, the intent behind them is malicious, the outcome gets messy and then in the end who's left to turn to when its all said and done?


**Manda's Note**: Thanks for all the reviews on Gabe! I missed my baby too lol. Well here's a little something that sort of wrote its self and I really like it. I have an agenda with it, you've been warned ;] enjoy! and please! leave me your thoughts.

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><p>This was going to be easy. All she needed to do was make it fast and then it'd all be over. All of the pain of the past year and a half would all be over. This was the moment she'd been waiting for, for far too long now. The moment that she knew she deserved. She' had this planned out for a while now. She knew the twists and the turns and the things that she needed to say and do. Now it was time to put her actions to motion and to actually get things done. Something like this wasn't what she ever expected to be doing nor was it something anyone would have expected her to do. That's what made it so perfect. She'd never be suspected to be the one doing any second of this. It was simple and she'd get away clean. This was exactly the thing that she needed to be doing. The sooner the better. The moment it was done the whole hell would be over and she'd have what she wanted the most. That's why she was doing this. Because there was one thing she needed, one thing she wanted, and she was ready for it to be all hers. She was more than ready for all of this to be hers. She just had to be careful about going through with all of it.<p>

She was careful, fixing her gloves as she tip toed around the small apartment not making a sound. If she made noise to soon it would all be over. She'd lose her shot at this and everyone would think she'd lost her mind. She hadn't lost anything, she just wanted the things that belonged to her. She wanted those things to stay hers and for them not to go to someone else like they always seemed to. Running her finger over the side of the crib she glanced down at its contents. The little girl with the blonde curls who lay sound asleep on her side with her thumb in her mouth, she was the reason she was doing this. She was the reason she had to do this. Keeping her eyes locked on the baby girl for a moment more she nodded to herself. It was time for her to keep going, it wasn't time to mess around and makes mistakes. She'd come this far and it was time to continue with her plans. She knew that if she waited longer someone somehow would get in her way. That just wasn't an option that she was willing to risk, someone stopping her. First, she needed to do what she'd come in for. She needed to make sure that everything went according to her plans.

Heading back in the direction of the small bathroom she retrieved the small package she'd stored in the shower the day previous. when she'd snuck in. That was something she was coming better at than she'd expected. Unscrewing the cap she sloshed around the clear liquid in the bottle, the smell stinging her nostrils for a moment before she let out a steady stream. Around the parameter of the bathroom, across the hallway, soaking the frame of the master bedroom. That she'd already covered the day before, she'd gotten it good and drenched. This was going to be a piece of cake. Before long she'd have what was hers back again. That was it, it that was all she needed to do. Now it was time to let the 'fireworks' begin.

Standing by the main door she took one last look at the little apartment. She grasped the bottle in her hand a little bit tighter for a moment. It was now or never. With her free hand she slipped a cigarette into her mouth, flicking the lighter a few times afterwards till it ignited. It was time to do exactly what she'd planned on doing. Taking a deep inhale of the cancer stick she took one more breath before flicking the white thing away from her. It only took seconds till a blaze lit a trail along the liquid laid path. well …there was no going back now.

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><p>"Where is he? I want to see him …now"<p>

Her voice is violent but she could care less. She's angry and it's the middle of the night. She's supposed to be sleeping. Nationals is tomorrow and if she isn't fully charged and ready Sylvester is going to kill her. This is her senior year and the scout from USC will be there waiting to see her perfect everything. It's a shot of a life time tomorrow and she knows that she needs to make the best of it and she has every intention of making it perfect. It's not just for Sylvester anymore but it's for herself too. She doesn't have time to be standing in the middle of the ER. She doesn't have time to hear about how he's got a bump on his forehead. It's not like she's going to be the one to 'kiss it better'. That's what he's got Quinn to do. Him and his stupid friggen crusade to get her to not act crazy. Something about her planning on doing whatever it took to get Beth back, something he knew they couldn't handle but Quinn didn't seem to want to hear. Yet as always Puck had to be the voice of reason and try to get things to stay the way they were. She shouldn't have bothered to get up when Mike called. She should have just ignored the call, rolled over, and went back to sleep. But no, here she is standing in the ER waiting for someone to tell her what the fuck is going on. Instead she's standing in the middle of the crowded area shaking.  
>Trying to hold up a tough façade her jaw is locked and all she can do is think to threaten anyone who gets in her way. It's because she doesn't want to be here. She wants to be back at his place lying in his bed even though he isn't home. She wants to have the transformers blanket pulled up to her neck and her bitch glare ready to flip out the moment he gets in the door. She wants to be mad at him for leaving her alone all night. She crosses her arms tighter and bits on the sleeve of his sweatshirt that she has on. She knows that she can't show weakness, she can't show that she's freaking out over any of this. It's just a hospital, it's no big deal. Sucking in a deep breath she stares at Mike in front of her now. She can't look at his eyes. She'd rather just glare over his shoulder. It's safer that way, she can deny the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach if she just stares over his shoulder and claims to be angry.<p>

"There was an accident San"

The waver in her voice is something she tries to hide and she feels her emotions plummet. Her fists clench and she has to do everything to keep from shaking uncontrollably. She's not supposed to be here. She's supposed to be lying in bed waiting for him to come home. She's supposed to be counting the stupid planets she put up on his ceiling years ago because she was bored and knew that she could get away with it. Mike Chang is not supposed to be standing in front of her using THAT tone of voice. It's the tone of voice that means trouble. The one that's full of foreboding pain and destruction to come. It's not a tone that she wants to hear right now or at all. She lets herself dare to look up at Mike for a glimpse; only for a second …she knows that she shouldn't have done it. She shouldn't have looked at him. Because suddenly she feels like she needs to find somewhere to go throw up because maybe purging will make her emotions stop. Will make her mind stop thinking up every excuse here and there.

"I want to see him"

She says again her voice on edge more than it had been before. She was struggling with keeping it in control suddenly. She can't decide exactly what to do, if she wants to scream or coil into a ball, anything to get some of her feelings out. Then Mike makes the decision for her, his arms envelope around her and she's half tempted to beat against his chest until he backs off. But, Mike's known her almost as long as Puck's known her. Mike knows her almost as well as Puck knows her for that matter. He holds onto her tighter and she feels herself break a little bit more. The gloss is coating her eyes and her body is involuntarily reacting to emotions. She's clutching onto him then. Holing fist full's of Mike's shirt as she attempts to get herself into some sort of control before she breaks apart even further. Something that's not working all that well. Her mind is freaking out and jumping to every possible bad idea that it can. Part of her wants to ask him just how bad it is, just exactly what's going on. But, she knows that she can't do that. Because once she asks him she knows that it's only going to make everything that much more real and that much more painful. His soothing voice is whispering slight 'shh's' in her ear. Trying to get her to calm down rather than telling her any more about what's happened. It's not all that comforting of a sound, she's more panicking at the whispers in her ear.

"You can't see him Tana, not right now, their bringing him to surgery."

He doesn't like needles, he doesn't like blood, and, he doesn't like doctors. She wants to yell that. To scream that around her waiting for someone to listen, she wants them to know that if he wakes up and sees them all around him he's going to panic and freak out just like he did when they rushed him in for breaking his damn left arm the day he jumped out of the tree house when the ladder broke. He'd been unconscious and she'd screamed at the top of her lungs till his mother had come outside still in her nightgown trying to figure out why the hell the two eight year olds were hiding out in the tree house in the middle of the night.

"You can't tell me what to do Mike Chang. Just like the time you tried to tell me that I couldn't watch movies with you guys. I kicked your ass back then and I can do it again."

Her threats are empty, even he knows that. She'd given him a bloody nose back then but this is just anger talking. This is just anger because she doesn't like being told what she can and cannot do. She doesn't like feelings scared and he knows that she's afraid. The thought of something being wrong with Puck or losing him, even if she refuses to admit it, the thought of losing him is one of her biggest fears. Although Mike would never expose her he knows it too. Instead he just stands there as she holds onto him tighter and continues on her empty threats. She's clinging tighter because in a way it helps her to do, it takes her mind off of what's going on.  
>"Come on Tana, let's go sit down. Let's go sit and wait for the doctors to come out and day something."<br>Nails are digging into his back up he's ignoring just how badly the things with red polish feel as he pulls her over to the chairs with little effort. She weighs next to nothing; she's always been that way. But she's tougher than most people, he's known this for years. He knows most of her secrets just like Puck. Because at one point in time it was the three of them against the rest of the world. At one point in time he was the one they forced to eat mud pies while they played mommy and daddy. As strange as it sounds this legitimately is their past. Something that on some days seems completely forgotten, although he knows that the memories will always be there and he loves Tina so he really wouldn't change anything. He pulls her to sit down in one of the chairs and the first thing she does is look around for anyone else who might have heard what happened before she curls into a ball in the chair. Pulling her knees right up to her chest and hiding her head. He knows that if there were enough room she'd be rocking. She always rocks when things are to nerve wracking for her. Like she's trying to make it all go away. His hand slips across her back, his attempts to sooth her.

"He's tough Santana, he's gonna be just fine."

He doesn't bother to tell her that everyone else is waiting in another section of the hospital. He knows that she wouldn't be able to fall apart if she knew that. Because Santana Lopez doesn't show her emotions, she's never been one to show when she's scared or hurt. But this, this is something she deserves the chance to fall apart over.


End file.
